How I Learned to Love a Job I Never Wanted

We all imagine our first job will be a perfect fit — exciting, inspiring, something that lights us up from day one.

Mine wasn’t.

I started in a role that had nothing to do with my degree, my skills, or my passions. And at first, I thought the only logical plan was to “hang in there” until I found the right job.

But over the past year, I’ve realized the people who thrive aren’t always the ones who land that dream role from day one.

They’re the ones who find joy wherever they start.

It’s not magic. It’s three things:

1. Competence – getting good at what you do. 2. Autonomy – finding freedom in how you do it. 3. Relatedness – connecting with the people around you.

1 + 2: Competence + Autonomy = Expertise With Freedom

Here’s what I mean.

When I first became a food runner in Canada — a job I never pictured myself doing — it seemed painfully simple. Grab plates from the kitchen. Put them on the trolley. Deliver them to tables. Repeat.

No creativity.

No freedom.

Just follow the process.

I didn’t see passion.

I didn’t see growth.

I saw plates, trolleys, and long shifts.

But then came the rush hours.

Twenty tables ordering at once. Dishes piling up in the pass.

My challenge?

Decide which orders could be grouped together, arrange 20–30 plates so they fit perfectly on the trolley, and deliver them in one efficient trip.

At first, it was chaos.

Then, I started treating it like a puzzle.

How can I fit everything without tipping a bowl? Which routes through the restaurant are fastest?

When it worked, it felt like winning a game. I’d glance at my supervisor and say over the speaker, “My area is stable,” and mean it.

That moment — the sense that I’ve got this — was addictive.

And it only came because I’d given myself time to get better.

If you love your job, you naturally give it time.

But if you don’t, you have to choose to give it that time anyway.

That’s how competence grows. And once you’re competent, you can bend the rules just enough to make it feel like yours.

3: Relatedness = Connection Changes Everything

The other shift came when I stopped seeing my coworkers as strangers and started seeing them as people.

When I began, I barely talked to anyone. I told myself I was “just here for the paycheck.”

But that was an excuse.

The truth?

I hadn’t made the effort.

So I started learning names. Not just remembering them, but using them.

The soup chef. The veggie prep lady. The dishwasher aunties. The meat cutter uncles.

I’d greet them, compliment small things, ask questions.

Over time, the kitchen — once a tense, fast-paced space — started to feel like a team.

Now, I swap jokes, learn Cantonese from coworkers, and feel like I’m part of something.

The job hasn’t changed, but my experience of it has.

The Bigger Lesson

In So Good They Can’t Ignore You, Cal Newport writes:

“Working right trumps finding the right work.”

It’s true. Sometimes the job we thought we wanted doesn’t appear right away. But how we approach the job we have shapes not just our performance, but our happiness.

Competence builds confidence.

Autonomy makes work feel lighter.

Relationships make it worth showing up.

Even if the job isn’t forever, the skills — and the joy — can be.

If you’re stuck in a role you don’t love, try this:

• Competence – I treated every rush like a puzzle to solve faster and better. Mastery made it fun.

• Autonomy – Even in a fixed routine, I found small ways to make it mine.

• Relatedness – Learning names, giving compliments, building small connections turned the kitchen into a place I wanted to be.

If your job isn’t “the one,” try building skill, freedom, and connection first.

You might be surprised — the way I was — passion might follow.